Oprah wore hot pink. So did Mary. When the show began its Pacific Time Zone broadcast today, I texted my sister just to be sure I knew where to look for her and her friend, Judy.
“We’re on the right side of the stage, second row. Judy’s on the end in yellow. I’m next to her with a hot pink shirt, black sweater and your statement turquoise necklace.”
The show was all about Dr. Oz, a medical doctor who offers advice on everything from how your poop should be shaped to obtaining multiple orgasms. I was a Dr. Oz virgin, so it was hard for me to get excited or sentimental about the show. I watched for a distinct purpose: to try to see my sister and HOPEFULLY, see my necklace.
Mary was busy at work while the show aired here, but took time out to text me. “Probably they’ll show us @ the end when they bring out the Netti Pots.”
To which I replied, “What the HELL is a Netti Pot?”
“It’s a tea pot nose cleaner!”
Sure enough, in the last minutes of the show, Oprah’s crew brought out a slew of gravy boat-shaped Netti Pots for each member of the audience. And this is when I, indeed, got to see Hot Pink Mary and Yellow Judy. They were shown from a couple angles, but I was primarily interested in the close-up.
Now, let me tell you something about my sister. She is definitely one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever known. Not just physically, with her blonde hair, blue eyes, petite figure and excellent sense of style; but also, she has an unquestionable beauty of spirit. She defines the word “kind.” Mary has to be one of the most excitable people alive. No one gets as giddy as she over a present, for example. I used to tease her and send her birthday present weeks in advance with a notation reading: DO NOT OPEN UNTIL YOUR BIRTHDAY.
“Yeah right!” she always said as she ripped open the paper. It became our little joke.
So, it was no surprise to me that Mary appeared to be VERY excited about Oprah’s gift of a Netti Pot. She was so excited, that she gasped for breath. And in doing so, right in the middle of her momentary close-up, she put her hand to her chest and completely covered the necklace.
I’ve got proof:
Oprah doesn’t let people use her name or her show to market their own products or causes, so I wouldn’t have been able to use the “As Seen on Oprah” tagline anyway. But I think it’s far more entertaining that my four-strand turquoise and copper necklace as modeled by the most beautiful woman on earth will forever be known as the piece of jewelry that was NOT seen on Oprah.