There’s a chapter in my first book, I’m Living Your Dream Life, titled “People Can Be Jerks.” It was true in 2002, most likely true since the Garden of Eden, and it’s still true today. The big difference today, however, is that the jerks no longer bother me.
It took a while to let go, perhaps because one of the first people to teach me how to disengage with a jerk was a jerk herself. Nevertheless, she introduced me to the concept of not engaging, even when my chain was thoroughly yanked.
When I was in my late 20s, I worked as a managing editor in San Francisco. It was for a small but growing publishing company. We had a larger full-time advertising sales staff than a writing staff, and articles I didn’t write myself came from a bevy of freelancers. As our publications expanded and my workload became overwhelming, the publisher granted me an assistant. She gave me full control to choose from a hundred resumes that came in after we ran an ad. “The assistant editor will be working for you,” she said, “so make sure it’s someone you can stand.”
I thought I chose well. The writing samples were good, her references checked out, she seemed very nice, eager for the position, and we lived in the same town. I thought that was a sign. I can’t remember how long she worked for us; however, it wasn’t long. Unfortunately, I had to let her go. Her lack of enthusiasm and commitment was evident from the start; however, the cardinal sin she committed was to put me in an unmanageable situation and to lie about it.
We were on deadline–every journalist knows what that means–and I had been in the office since 6am, doing everything I could before leaving for a mid-afternoon appointment. My assistant ASSURED me that she would stay–at least until 5pm and even later if necessary–to get the flats ready for the printer in the morning. My instructions were very clear. But when I came in the next morning, exactly nothing had been done.
I was livid! When the Art Director showed up a couple of hours later, as I was elbows deep in wax and galleys, she informed me that my assistant had left right after me the day before. And she didn’t say why.
Finally that morning, the assistant phoned to say she wouldn’t be in because her child was sick. I asked if that was why she left early the previous day and she had no answer. She said she didn’t think it would be such a big deal and couldn’t understand why I was angry. (Seriously?) I would have understood the need to tend to a sick child–anyone would–but what I didn’t understand is why she felt it was okay to leave the office the previous day after PROMISING me she’d get the work done, and without telling anyone that she was leaving or why.
Realizing I had a folder with 99 other resumes of potentially reliable assistant editor wannabes that would certainly offer a better choice, I told her she had lost her job.
She didn’t take it well.
What followed was a very long, very nasty letter (which wasn’t very well written) accusing both me and the publisher of being a couple of insignificant, vicious “sorority girls” who basically sucked at life. She filed an unemployment claim saying she was fired because she had a sick child and we wouldn’t give her the time off.
I was outraged and wanted to fight the claim. But my publisher said no. “Don’t give this jerk the satisfaction of a response,” she said. “I pay unemployment insurance and she wasn’t here long enough to make it hurt. It’s good enough that we know what happened and why she was fired. Just let it go.”
So I did. I got an extension on the deadline and eventually recovered from the stress this had caused me. And by the following week, I had a new assistant who was excellent. Satisfaction came from knowing the jerk I had hired was easily replaced.
I thought of this incident this morning when a customer would not respond to repeated messages that his payment was due. Finally, when he received word that his payment was “overdue,” to use Mike’s word, he became quite butt-hurt, and he DID respond. He claimed the payment request messages went to a “hidden folder” and therefore, it was out-of-line to suggest that his payment was overdue. “If a store employee talked to me like that I wouldn’t buy anything so same goes here. I’m not disrespecting myself by buying from you after that petty little stunt even if you wanna tuck your tail, circle back and delete it.”
Yep. Just another jerk. At least this one made us LOL.